COFFEETOWN HS SPORTS

Coffeetown High School’s senior graduation ceremony had all the makings of a storybook celebration to remember.

Then Crockpot Rogers and his 1993 Pontiac Firebird turned it into a demolition derby that no one will soon forget.

For Rogers – the junior high school football defensive lineman and daredevil who races funny cars at the Coffeetown Dirt Track on Sunday nights – the ceremony looked like a stage for some high-octane stunts.

“I didn’t mean nothin’ by it,” Rogers told reporters at his third perp walk in two years.

“It was my own special way of celebrating a lot of my friends and all the girls I’ve dated. It ain’t my fault they set up a perfect ramp for me to jump the podium.”

Recap of the legendary Coffeetown graduation stunt

Here is the minute-by-minute account of Crockpot Rogers’s thrilling stunt on the Coffeetown football field, where the school held its graduation ceremony.

Rogers is a meticulous planner and one of the most impressive stunt drivers anyone has ever seen. He provided the details for us on a napkin at the Copper County jail.

“I got my hands on a rundown of the evening’s plan,” Rogers told us.

“I got racin’ and hell fire in my blood, but I wasn’t going to do it if I knew anyone could be hurt.”

4:45PM – Coffeetown students and faculty file in as graduation music plays

4:55PM – National Anthem

4:57PM – Pledge of Allegiances to the United States and Christian flags

4:58PM – Stunt jump

5:00PM – Coffeetown faculty and commencement speaker Sharon Frost from Frosty Hot HVAC to take the stage

“I knew I had a limited amount of time between when people started filing in and when people started sitting on that stage, which I planned to jump. It had huge ramps on either side instead of steps. After last year’s graduation when Miss Coffeetown, Darla Joy Jennings tripped on her high heels and broke both cheek bones, the school didn’t want another lawsuit,” Rogers said.

“So it was the perfect set up. Plus, I didn’t want to take a chance of hurting Mrs. Frost. She’s a stone-cold fox, no pun intended. I did want to make sure she saw the jump, though.”

Executing the jump, and an escape plan gone wrong

The school had a magnificent display of flowers, plants and a balloon arc over the podium.

It was hot enough to pop a few of the balloons on stage and kill some of the indoor flowers, but the scene held up better than many of the girls’ hair and makeup, and all of the boys’ hair gel.

At 4:45 sharp, 124 Coffeetown High School seniors filed in alphabetically to sit in folding chairs on the Copperheads’ football field.

They sat for five minutes after taking their seats. It doesn’t take 10 minutes for 124 people to find a place to sit, as it turns out. One student passed out from heat exhaustion.

At 4:55 PM, Coffeetown radio voice Max the Axe Bell played the National Anthem over the stadium PA system. He “accidentally” left his microphone on, and everyone heard him sing it surprisingly well before he fired four or five bottle rockets from the press box window.

“He sounded like Alan Jackson’s and Travis Tritt’s voices had a triplet set of choral singers. And the triplets sounded like Jackson and Tritt, with George Strait and Phil Collins in there, too. I had to wipe away some tears while I sped down the hill” Rogers said.

At 4:57, 123 Coffeetown seniors stood to pledge allegiance to both the United States and Christian flags, held by the JROTC. Before a hand left a heart, everyone could hear the Firebird’s souped-up engine tearing down the gravel path that leads from the Coffeetown fieldhouse parking lot to the Snake Pit football field.

At 4:58, Crockpot Rogers drove his Firebird around the Coffeetown track one time, peeled off to hit the ramp, hit it squarely for a flawless launch, and landed on the other side before aiming to drive back up the hill to the parking lot.

The only problem was, his car clipped the balloon arc in mid-air and it covered his entire windshield. Rogers crashed into the Coffeetown home bleachers, knocking him unconscious long enough for several on-site Copper County sheriff’s deputies to detain him.

123 Coffeetown seniors threw their caps into the air in celebration

All due respect to Mrs. Frost, even she wasn’t going to top that commencement crash.

“It was really quite the sight,” Frost said, fanning her face with a graduation program.

“As far as I was concerned, that was the real ceremony,” Nacho Davis said.

“I hate it for Crockpot’s Firebird though. Hopefully the booster club can pool up some money in back channels and get that windshield fixed.”

Rogers tells us as soon as he posts bail (with help from Coffeetown sponsor Bad Bonnie’s Bail Bonds – Don’t let a minor setback stop you from a major comeback), he’ll be back on the track.

“Y’all come see me out at the dirt track. All of my winnings will go toward the school and replacing that balloon arc.”

Rest up, Crockpot. We know you’re stewing in there, but we can’t wait to see you dish out as a result.