COFFEETOWN HS SPORTS

Coffeetown football cracked the win column for the first time this season in a 23-15 win over Strongbirch.

The Copperheads also literally cracked Strongbirch quarterback Frankston Jones.

The talented junior holds offers from Georgia Southern, Troy and Army. Jones is also allergic to eggs.

And that not-so-minor detail landed him in the hospital before the game ever kicked off.

Coffeetown football fans make things tough on visitors with the raucous ‘Snake Pit’ student section

For the home opener, they opted to throw eggs at the Bears’ team bus.

Jones’s window was reportedly wide open due to a faulty latch. One of the Snake Pit’s Grade-A’s sailed through, busted and took out Strongbirch’s QB.

“This is not the type of behavior we condone at Coffeetown High School,” school assistant administrator Jill Aspen said in a statement.

“We will conduct a thorough investigation into the individuals responsible.”

While the brass doesn’t approve of The Snake Pit’s antics, Coffeetown football players couldn’t be bigger fans of their fans.

“I love the dang Snake Pit,” nose guard Huff McGraw said.

“I hate that the quarterback had to get airlifted for that allergy, but The Snake Pit has that name for a reason,” quarterback Ashley Holt said.

Coffeetown defense swarms ill-prepared eighth-grade backup QB

Bless Slick Brickman’s heart.

The 5’6″ 140-pounder had to face Coffeetown’s defense after Jones went down with a full-body hives outbreak.

That’s when 6’4, 370-pound defensive lineman Mount Everest Michaels went to work.

On the first play of the night, Strongbirch’s center sailed the snap over Brickman’s tiny, sweat and vomit-soaked hands.

Michaels leveled the middle schooler and took it the distance.

The final score made this one look close, but it was a beatdown from start to finish as Coffeetown evens out its record sheet for the season.

“I’m proud of the guys. But I also need ’em to remember you don’t get to play an eighth-grader each week,” Coffeetown head coach Cliff Swansea said.

“Some of ’em will be able to scramble a lot better than what Strongbirch brought to our field tonight. So we’re gonna get to work and watch film on this one and improve each week.”