COFFEETOWN HS SPORTS

Coffeetown football has a lot to like, and a little to hate coming out of spring camp.

Let’s start with the good news.

Transfer quarterback Blip Adams can spin it. Literally. Adams threw the pill around like an unlicensed pharmacist in the Copperheads’ spring scrimmage, to the tune of 358 yards and four touchdowns. He also showed off his legs and his patented spin move any time he took off to run for his 122 yards and two scores on the ground.

“I get dizzy watching him,” Coffeetown Football head coach Cliff Swansea told me.

“He really doesn’t need to spin as much as he does, and we tell him that when we watch film. I’m not sure if it’s a nervous tick or what.”

Coach is right. On Adams’s first score, there wasn’t a defender within 10 yards of him, but sure enough, he just twirled on a ghost defender at the five and sauntered in with a backpedal.

“I am always working on my spins,” Adams told me after the scrimmage.

“I never want defenders to feel like they have me figured out. And every moment is an opportunity to get better.”

Adams then spun away from my recorder and sprinted into the locker room.

Coffeetown football will be grateful for the pickup in the upcoming season as the Copperheads replace state champion and local legend, Reptile Henderson.

Adams transfers in from Bishop First Evangelical Christian School, where the competition was nowhere near as stout as what he will face in AA.

If he remains this unpredictable, he should get the hang of it in no time.

Coffeetown football bad news: the defense looks leaky

When you see stats like that from Adams, it means one of two things. Maybe both:

Coffeetown’s offense is in good hands.

Coffeetown’s defense needs some duct tape.

“I am irate, please get your recorder out of my face,” Coffeetown defensive coordinator Pepper Zimmerman told me.
I get it, coach.

The Copperheads’ first-team defensive line looked like they were playing at quarter-speed against Adams and the offense.

If there’s a silver lining in this playbook, it may have been a simple case of poor intestinal fortitude that hamstrung Coffeetown’s defense.

On at least three occasions, receivers ran free while defensive backs gripped their thigh pads and slipped in their own vomit.

“I’m not normally one for excuses, but I think the offense pulled a fast one on us,” defensive end Roger Rodgers told me.

“(Junior tight end) Scissor Simons brought in a vat of his famous chili for the team on Thursday night, but we thought it was weird that none of the offensive players ate it. They said they’d eat it after film but we never saw them take a spoonful. We all thought we caught the flu or something, but only the defensive players got it. I don’t know, maybe it’s just a defensive virus. Scissor says he always has laxatives in his locker but now I’m starting to wonder. I gotta go to the bathroom.”

Issues like this can be an easy fix over the summer.

Just don’t eat Scissor’s cookin’.

Other Coffeetown news and notes

Coffeetown offensive lineman Green Bean Bailey knows how to put down some home cookin’. Bailey polished off the homewrecker burrito at Pedro’s Tex Mex over the weekend.

He won a t-shirt and a free bluetooth speaker.

Linebacker Kilo Miles will miss a portion of summer workouts with the team as he goes on a mission trip to Honduras.

He tells me he will film workouts between repairing wells and roofing houses and text them to coaches.

Congratulations to Coach Swansea for a family update: his wife Helen just gave birth to their seventh child.

“We’re workin’ on a two-deep of Swanseas. Please pray for us and our grocery bills.”